


life with you

by ilovenutella99



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kind of an Au I guess, Sharing a Bed, a lil bit of angst, basically i just love these characters, bellamy is a wreck, clarke makes it onto the ship, lots of sharing a bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 12:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13636596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovenutella99/pseuds/ilovenutella99
Summary: “Close the door, Bellamy.” Raven repeats, looking at him pleadingly.And finally, he nods, grabbing onto the handle. Just as he’s lowering it, he hears the most familiar voice shouting from somewhere in the lab. Everyone in the rocket freezes and Bellamy can’t move, can’t risk shutting the door and locking her out forever.Bellamy thinks that he’s imagined it until someone comes rounding the corner, red radiation suit and all. He lets out the loudest sigh of relief as Clarke sprints towards the rocket and up the steps, immediately throwing herself into his arms.





	life with you

**Author's Note:**

> basically this is clarke making it onto the ark before the death wave hit and then having everything happen because of her making it onto the ark. hope y'all enjoy!

_1 day_

“Bellamy, we have to go.”

Raven’s voice breaks through his thoughts and he shakes his head. “We can’t leave without her.”

“We don’t have a choice,” she replies quickly, and he finally turns around. She looks about as upset as he feels. “If we stay here any longer, we won’t get off of the ground. We have to get off the ground and through the atmosphere to even stand a chance of getting there.”

Bellamy locks his jaw and then nods, looking back at the doors one last time. He swallows his guilt and climbs into the rocket.

“She’s not coming?” Emori. She’s not willing to lose anyone right now, especially after everything she’s been through. Bellamy can only shake his head. “Can’t we give her another minute?”

Raven shakes her head. “We have to get off the ground. Or all of this would have been for nothing. Close the door.” He hesitates. How could he not? Clarke is still out there, still bracing the storm to get them off of the ground. All of them. He can’t leave without her. “Close the door, Bellamy.” Raven repeats, looking at him pleadingly.

And finally, he nods, grabbing onto the handle. Just as he’s lowering it, he hears the most familiar voice shouting from somewhere in the lab. Everyone in the rocket freezes and Bellamy can’t move, can’t risk shutting the door and locking her out forever.

Bellamy thinks that he’s imagined it until someone comes rounding the corner, red radiation suit and all. He lets out the loudest sigh of relief as Clarke sprints towards the rocket and up the steps, immediately throwing herself into his arms. He feels every bit of anxiety seep from him. Their helmets get in the way, clunking in to one another, but neither seem to care. Bellamy’s arms come around her without any hesitation and he thanks the stars that she’s alive. Her hands grasp behind him tightly as he pulls away, looking for any harm done to her. She looks tired, and he’s not sure if that’s sweat or tears on her face, but she’s _alive_.

He’s still staring at her in awe when Raven clears her throat. “I hate to interrupt this, but we _really_ have to go. _Now_.”

It takes them a moment to disentangle themselves from each other, but Bellamy helps her into the rocket and into her seat. Emori reaches across the small space and gives Clarke’s hand a tight squeeze. They buckle quickly and Raven looks at her quickly. “You got it aligned?”

The blonde nods. “Yeah. Double checked. It’s to the Ark.” Raven nods back and then reaches across the rocket to squeeze her hand.

“I’m glad you’re not dead.” Clarke snorts and rolls her eyes.

Everyone’s buckled and ready to go and Bellamy feels the rocket shake around him. He’s worried it’s not going to take off until it does, and they’re blasting back into space. His teeth rattle and he thinks his bones are splitting in half. His hands are fisted tightly in his gloves when he feels a small hand find his. Clarke. She’s shaking, eyes shut tight as they hurl through the atmosphere. His hands squeeze hers lightly for reassurance, but he can’t tell if she relaxes.

It feels like hours until the rocket regains some sort of relative normal. He knows it’s only been a few minutes.

Raven unbuckles herself. “No one move. Zero-G wastes oxygen.”

Bellamy watches as Raven maneuvers around the rocket, but then turns to Clarke to find her staring out of the window. The earth below them is orange and red and all kinds of terrifying. A dark cloud of fire engulfs the entire planet.

“You okay?” Bellamy finally asks her and she shrugs.

“I could’ve been down there.”

They don’t have time for any more conversation because then they’re fighting for their lives trying to get the generators going again. They nearly lose their lives, and Bellamy refuses to let or watch Clarke die and hands what’s left of his oxygen to her and looks away, but it’s not enough and everything on the Ark stops.

With a stroke of luck, the air system turns on and they all breathe in what they can, taking big gulps of air.

They sit by the air system, exhausted and shaky, dead quiet. None of them have any energy to try and stand up, to even attempt to get anything running on the Ark. He’s never seen eight people so tired and worn down. Clarke sits next to him, still taking deep breaths as if she’s reassuring there’s air in her lungs. All he can think is that they’re alive.

It takes them a few hours to get everything together. Raven immediately splits them all up to set things up. Bellamy, Emori and Murphy are sent to hook up a few wires to get the food processor going. He tries to stick with Clarke, but Raven shoots him a look and sends him away. Monty’s hands need to be looked at.

It’s only after they’ve gotten most things put back together that he finds Clarke again. She’s on the Sky Bridge, looking down at their burning planet. She turns before he can approach her all the way. “You okay?” He asks again and she sighs, finally nodding.

“It’s just strange. A few hours ago I was literally about to die and now I’m alive. I’m alive and safe, I think.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes and lumbers to stand next to her, and he can feel her eyes on him. “What are you staring at?”

Clarke huffs and crosses her arms. “Why’d you wait so long? To close the doors.”

Bellamy rubs his face. “I didn’t want to. You would’ve been left.” He doesn’t want to think of the alternative

“It was risky.”

“It was risky letting you go to align the dish. I should’ve gone with you.”

“Then we’d both be dead,” she tells him and he shakes his head.

“We would’ve been dead together.”

Clarke huffs again and turns to Bellamy, resting her hands on his forearms. “Bellamy, I’m alive. We both are. I feel like that’s something to be celebrated, even if I did almost died.” Bellamy finally nods and can’t help but pulling her to him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders again, one hand cupping her head. He feels her arms tighten around his back, hands wrapped together. He thinks he’d be content with staying just like this forever. This is how it should be. Clarke with him.

“I think we deserve that drink.” Clarke says, her voice muffled in his shoulder and he snorts. They do deserve it.

* * *

  _31 days_

They all get used to life back in space. Emori and Echo struggle the most with it, lots of vomiting and having to lay in bed for a few days at a time. Monty’s hands heal slowly. Clarke doesn’t know if he’ll ever have full capability again because the radiation burns were so severe, but she’s hopeful. She treats the rest of them for whatever burns or cuts they got before they left the ground. They’re lucky with what they find on the Ark. The Arkers must have left in such a hurry that some medical equipment, clothing, and other essentials were left scattered around.

Raven fixes up multiple radios that they can carry with them around the Ark. She says it’s so they always know where everyone is. Bellamy is grateful. He doesn’t think he can handle losing someone up here.

For the first few weeks, they struggle with letting anyone out of their sight. They’re all that they have left. It’s too scary to let someone walk around the Ark alone. So they go in pairs, and they bring back what they can find. The group sets up camp near the Sky Bridge, where they can see the Earth. They spend the first few weeks sorting through everything they’ve found. Medical supplies in one pile, clothing in the other, dishes on the table. They manage to find enough dishes that each of them gets two sets just in case.

The clothing is split up between the girls and the boys, and from there they go by sizes. Clarke is handed all of the medical equipment and takes it to the station near the Sky Bridge.

At first they didn’t have the heat going and all had to sleep in the same room for warmth. He hates thinking about how satisfied he was when Clarke would pick the spot next to him. He doesn’t hate thinking about how thrilled he was when he woke up and she was snuggled next to him, her cold feet lodged in between his. After the first few weeks, they each get their own room.

Bellamy finds his room too quiet, too bland. He would much rather be sleeping next to Clarke, but he knows he can’t. He puts his meager supply of clothing in the dresser and sets his walkie-talkie on the table. It’s nothing like the room he shared with his mother and Octavia. This one’s bigger, with an attached bathroom and kitchenette. He doesn’t think he’ll ever use it.

Bellamy doesn’t like being back in space. It reminds him too much of his mother’s floating and Octavia being taken away. He doesn’t have many, if any, pleasant memories of the Ark. The few he does have are of Octavia, in that annoyingly small room where she hid under the floor.

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to being back here.

* * *

 

_378 days_

“Y’know, Bell, if you and Murphy just got along I think this whole process would be a lot easier.” Clarke teases from the spot on his bed where she’s sitting. She’s been sitting there sketching since dinner.

“Murphy and I have never gotten along.” He responds, turning the page in his book. He was lucky he found hundreds of books scattered around the Ark. They’ll give him something to do for the next five years.

Bellamy turns to Clarke to find her staring intently at him, but she quickly looks back at her paper. “You could try,” she huffs, “I feel like if you tried to get along you would.”

“We haven’t exactly gotten along since we tried to strangle each other,” he tells her, before closing his book. “I’m sure that was the best way to start a friendship. ‘Hey, Murphy, remember that time I tried to hang you? Yeah, forget about that, let’s be friends!’”

Clarke rolls her eyes and turns the page in the sketchbook. Finally, he gives in to the temptation and scoots onto his bed so he’s next to her, peering at her book. His brows furrow as he examines the images of the ground that she’s so beautifully recreated. Arkadia. Bits and pieces of the forest. The dropship. The graveyard at the dropship. Their friends and family. He’s surprised to see that he’s in several of them.

“I wanted to be able to remember what it looks like,” she finally says, almost shyly, “so I don’t forget.”

Bellamy nods and flips through the pages slowly, peering at each one intently. “They’re great.” He admits and he watches a smile grace her face.

“I have something for you.” She murmurs, flipping through the sketchbook until she finds the page that she’s looking for. When she hands him the book, it’s like his heart has sunk into his stomach. On the page is Octavia. Before everything happened. Her hair is still in her braids but there isn’t a hard look in her eyes. Bellamy can’t tear his eyes away from his sister and marvels at the way that Clarke captured her. Everything looks right and normal, how he remembers her.

“What do you think?” Clarke asks quietly and he’s at a loss for words. “I didn’t know whether you would like it or not. Because of everything that happened, but—”

“I love it.” He cuts her off and finally looks at her. “Thank you.” He swears her cheeks turn pink. He knows that he and Octavia will have a lot to talk about in a few years. He hopes that she’s ready to mend their relationship. Bellamy looks back at it and feels Clarke drop her head onto his shoulder.

“I’m thinking about putting them on the Sky Bridge, so we can all see them.”

He nods, “I think that’s a great idea. We’ll put them up tomorrow.”

Bellamy continues to look through her sketchbook, and she doesn’t stop him. It takes him a few minutes to realize that she’s asleep on his shoulder.

It only takes him a few more minutes to fall asleep.

When Bellamy wakes he’s disoriented. His arm is asleep and he starts to grumble about it when he realizes that the reason it’s asleep is because Clarke’s head is resting on it. She’s facing him, her hands curled up between them. One of his is wrapped tightly around her waist, his fingers under her shirt and on the smooth skin of her back. Her leg is slipped between his, her toes pressing into his ankle. He doesn’t know how they ended up here, but he’s not complaining He’s just thinking he’d be happy to stay here forever when she starts to shift and then whines, curling more into the blanket they have wrapped around them.

“Morning,” he murmurs, rubbing circles on her back.

She makes a noise in the back of her throat and finally opens her eyes before trying to turn around to see where she is. “I fell asleep. Sorry.” Bellamy shrugs and brushes some hair from her face. “You’re a bed hog.”

“Only because you’re a blanket hog.” He mumbles, rolling his eyes.

“Time is it?”

He lifts his head slightly to check his clock and groans, laying back down and tugging her back to him. “Five. Earth time. Could probably get a few more hours of sleep.” She hesitates and he groans again. “C’mon. You know you want to. You don’t have to be moving at every second of the day anymore, Clarke.”

Finally, he gets her to lay back down and she turns so her back is to his chest. Bellamy winds his arms around her and pulls her close, quickly getting pulled back into sleep.

When he wakes the next time, his hands immediately reach out to where Clarke was laying, but finds nothing. Panic sets in to his whole body quickly. He manages to force his eyes open to find her putting on her boots quickly, hair completely askew.

“Hey,” he says groggily, “come back to bed.”

Clarke shakes her head and doesn’t look at him. “I’m okay. I’m sorry I fell asleep in your bed,” she tells him, continuing to look away, “it won’t happen again.”

“Clarke,” he says, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “It’s okay. I really don’t care. It was nice.” He admits, but she shakes her head.

“It won’t happen again.”

She seems so incredibly upset and flustered about it, but he’s still curious. “Clarke,” he repeats, but she’s out the door before he can finish his sentence.

But, it does happen again.

A few weeks later after Clarke avoiding being in Bellamy’s room late at night, she finally knocks on his door and immediately starts ranting about something that someone has done. Later, they fall asleep again, and Clarke rushes out of the room with an excuse about how someone needs her help.

The third time it happens is the one where he convinces her to stay in the morning.

“Clarke,” Bellamy groans from under the covers. “C’mon. Just stay.” The blonde shakes her head but he’s had enough, and wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her back into his bed. She squeals a bit but he finds that she’s smiling. “Just a little longer. Pl _ea_ se.” He drags the _ea_ sound out and finally she nods and he grins triumphantly, pulling her back under the covers and into his arms. Her body is rigid for a moment until tugs her until she molds to his body.

They don’t fall back asleep, not fully at least. Bellamy manages to doze every so often and is always worried she’s going to be gone when he wakes up. Every time, without fail, she’s still there.

Someone eventually comes to find them at noon just as Clarke is waking up again. It’s Monty, wondering if he had seen Clarke. He barely gets the sentence out before he realizes that they’re wrapped up together in Bellamy’s bed, still half asleep. Monty decides against his better judgement and walks out of the room.

* * *

 

_717 days_

Things start to get bad. Emori’s body starts struggling to handle being in space. Only eating reprocessed algae and repurposed urine isn’t sitting well with her. And, on top of that, the amount of radiation that’s in space is taking a toll on her.

It starts with exhaustion. She can barely move around without getting tired and sometimes falls asleep in the weirdest places. At first, they put it off to straight exhaustion of being in space.

Then comes the vomit. And the blood. Emori starts vomiting blood, but insists that she’s fine. Bellamy knows that Murphy is going nuts trying to figure out what’s happening. Emori pushes it off and keeps going. Murphy says it’s because she’s so used to having nothing that she doesn’t want to be a burden.

But then she passes out. Bellamy’s grabbing something to drink when he hears the crash. He whips around and finds Emori on the ground, blood leaking out of her mouth. He’s the only one in the room. He rushes towards her.

“Murphy,” his hands frantically pull the radio out of his belt, “Emori passed out.”

“What?”

“Emori passed out!” He hisses, feeling for a pulse, “I don’t know what’s happening. We need Clarke!”

People go running into the room as quickly as possible. Monty helps him get Emori up and into the medical station. “Where’s Murphy?”

“Other side of the Ark,” Raven tells him, getting the cot ready for Emori, “he was fixing something for me.”

Clarke comes sprinting in, her hands immediately pulling her hair up. “What happened? Bellamy, I need you to tell me exactly what happened.”

It spills out of him quickly, how she passed out and how the blood appeared out of nowhere. It’s only then that they realize there are lesions on her face. “Oh, fuck.” Clarke washes her hands as quickly as possible and turns to Emori, feeling for a pulse and checking everything else out.

At that moment, Murphy pushes through the door and past Echo and Monty to get to Emori. “What happened!” His voice is edging on panic and Bellamy explains in the quickest of terms what happened. “Clarke, we have to fix her.”

“I know,” she spits back, her brows pulled together. Bellamy knows that look. It’s the look that shows she doesn’t know what to do. “I know.”

“Then do something!”

Clarke continues searching Emori’s face and he watches the gears turn in her head before she nods. “Okay. I need a syringe. Now,” she barks when no one moves.

“What are you going to do?” Murphy asks, smoothing Emori’s hair.

“I’m gonna give her my blood.”

The room freezes and Bellamy can’t breathe. “No.” He finally says, and her eyes narrow. “No, Clarke you can’t.”

“I have to,” she tells him, shaking her head. “If I don’t then she’ll die of whatever this is! I think it’s radiation and nightblood fixes that! I have nightblood!”

“Untested,” Bellamy nearly yells, standing between her and Emori.

She pushes around him. “We have to try. It worked for Luna.”

Bellamy watches her roll up her sleeve to reveal her veins. “You could die.”

“I have to try,” she grits her teeth, wrapping a band around her upper arm. “Or Emori will die.”

“Clarke—”

“We don’t have a choice, Bellamy!” The room goes silent again, staring precariously between the two. “We don’t have a choice.” Bellamy finally nods. “You’ll keep me alive, right?”

He knows it’s a joke from their past, but he doesn’t find it funny at all. But he nods, his jaw clenching. Bellamy hands her the syringe and watches her go to work.

It’s funny, he supposes, how intrigued he is. She’s risking her life, again, but she’s so focused. So focused on what she’s doing, how she’s doing it. Her eyes are narrowed, brows furrowed as she plunges the needle into her arm.

Over and over again, the needle goes in her arm, and then into Emori’s. He watches her get weaker. Her fingers lose their grips. She’s slouching, leaning against his legs as she does her work. He can’t believe she’s giving her this much blood. He knows she’s losing a lot of it.

“Clarke,” he finally whispers, his hand tight on her shoulder. “That’s enough. You’ve lost a lot of blood. You can finish after you sleep a bit.”

He watches her shake her head. “One more. And that should be enough.”

“Clarke,” he protests, but she grits her teeth and weakly takes another vial of dark, black blood from her body.

Bellamy wishes he had noticed it early, but her eyes are dropping, her body shaking. She’s barely gotten the syringe into Emori’s body when she passes out, slumping against the side of the bed.

* * *

 

Bellamy grasps her cold hand tightly as he waits for her to hopefully wake up. She lost a lot of blood saving Emori. Murphy sits at the other bed, clutching Emori’s hand. She’s going to wake up. They all know it. They’re just worried about Clarke. He’s scared out of his mind. She lost so, so much blood. She looks pale and he swallows down some fear and guilt and whatever else he’s feeling for the girl in the bed. All he can think about is her blood pooling on the bed after she passed out. The frantic movement of the room, Raven yelling to fix her. His heart clenching uncomfortably.

Murphy finally breaks the silence, “have you told her?”

Bellamy shakes his head. “No.”

“Are you going to?” He doesn’t get to answer, because Emori wakes up and is immediately occupied by Murphy. Bellamy swallows thickly and tightens his grip on her hand. He knows what Murphy is referring to. His very strong feelings for Clarke. He hears Murphy telling Emori what happened and then there’s a struggle as Emori tries to get up to get by Clarke’s bedside to see her. “Don’t worry. She’s being well looked after.”

It’s several more minutes of quiet before Bellamy sees Clarke shifting. He feels a bit of anxiety seeping from his body. Her eyes finally open and he feels himself become captivated by her. “Hey,” he finally whispers, pressing a light kiss to her knuckles.

Clarke blinks a few times. “What happened?”

“You lost a lot of blood saving Emori. You passed out after you got the last of it transfused.”

Her eyes widen and she tries to get up, but he presses her down. “Let me up, Bellamy. I have to see if she’s okay.”

“She’s fine,” he murmurs gently. “She’s right over there. She’s okay, Clarke.”

It doesn’t seem to relax her until Emori speaks up and says, “I’m over here.”

Clarke finally settles until her eyes widen again and she tries to get up. “Echo’s going to get sick too.”

Bellamy pushes her back down gently and takes her hand again. “You are the only person I’m worried about, Clarke.” His eyes find hers and he finds an unrecognizable emotion in them. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, alright? For now, you’re what’s important.”

Later that night, Clarke is trying to go to bed. She’s hyped up on painkillers and Raven and Harper are struggling to get her to her room. Clarke can’t exactly walk without feeling like she’s going to fall over, so Raven and Harper are half carrying, half dragging her to her room. Echo walks behind for extra support just in case something goes horribly wrong. He hopes that nothing does.

Bellamy helps Murphy and Monty to get Emori to her room. When they know she’s situated, they hurry to Clarke’s room. The sight they see is one they never thought they’d see. Clarke is halfway on her bed, her arms flung back and her legs hanging off.

And she’s giggling. Clarke never giggles.

Monty’s the one who finds his words first. “What did you give her?”

Raven presses her fingers to her eyes and then rubs her face. “No idea. She said that she knew what it was. We don’t really know if she was fully awake when she told us to use it.”

“She just wanted to be high again. Like those nuts back on the ground.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes as Clarke speaks up, “that was not a good experience for me, Monty.”

“It was great for me,” Monty mutters and Bellamy snorts. “Sorry that your first experience being high sucked. I’ll fix it.”

“Where the hell are you gonna make weed up here,” Harper asks, raising her brow.

Monty smirks and then says, “who says I haven’t already made it?”

Bellamy presses his hand to his head and sighs. Of course he’s already made weed. Only been here two years and somehow he’s figured it out. Genius.

Raven looks at Bellamy and Monty and then Clarke. “Turn around, you two. Clarke needs to change and can’t do it with you in here.”

“Bellamy could help,” he hears Harper say under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear. The idea of taking Clarke’s clothes off makes his pants twitch, but he does as he’s told. Bellamy does his best not to think of Clarke practically naked a few feet from him. He longs to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her, but he can’t. She’s pulled away from every attempt he’s made. He knows by now that there’s no way these feelings are platonic anymore, and truthfully he thinks he’s known it since before they went back up to space.

When he finally turns back around, he finds that they’ve helped her into bed, the covers up to her chin. He can’t help but feel upset that she’s not staying with him, like they’ve done the past several months. Murphy has given him so much shit for that, by the way. Sleeping in the same bed but still doing nothing about his feelings.

“Goodnight, Clarke.” Raven says, rolling her eyes when Clarke smiles that adorable goofy smile she has.

“Goodnight,” she says back, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

And that’s how they leave her and they can’t resist laughing when they finally leave. “I think being in space has finally broken her,” Echo snorts, “too much algae.”

Bellamy shakes his head with a smile until he sees Harper’s face. He raises a brow. “What?”

“Have you had sex yet?”

It takes a moment for him to process the question because his thoughts are immediately pulled into the gutter. “No.” He forces out, looking away from her.

“Have you kissed her?”

“No.”

“You should get on that,” she hums, looking at him knowingly.

“I’m working on it, Harp. It’s not that easy.”

“Having sex is _easy_!”

Bellamy finally groans, “just because you’re having sex on the regular doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I don’t think she wants to.” Raven snorts and he turns. “And what do you have to say about this?”

“Oh, she wants to. She’s just scared.” And, they’ve lost him. He must look confused because Raven continues. “Look at it from her perspective. Everyone that she’s ever had sex with has died. Finn, Lexa. I don’t think she could handle anyone else dying after they have sex, especially not you.”

“I’m not going anywhere!” He says defensively. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.” It’s his sex life, or lack thereof, and it’s suddenly broadcasted to five out of the eight people on the Ark. He also doesn’t want to talk about Finn or Lexa when talking about his sex life with Clarke.

“You just gotta tell her,” Harper says, patting him on the arm. “She listens to you. Just tell her how you feel. Don’t fuck it up.”

“Reassuring.”

* * *

 

He’s just getting into bed when he hears a knock on the door. He rubs a hand over his face before crossing the room and pulling it open, only to find Clarke standing there. She’s leaning against the door frame and looks a little loopy.

Her eyes automatically attach to his chest, which is completely bare. And then, they slide to his face, lingering a bit on his lips.

“Hey,” he finally says, and she falls towards him, her arms wrapping around him. “Clarke,” he snorts. “What’s up?”

“Can’t sleep. Wanted to be with you.” Bellamy can’t stop himself from grinning before scooping her up and crossing to his bed. He sets her down gently and she smiles. “I like your bed.”

“I do too,” he says, before pulling on a shirt. She frowns. “What?”

“You didn’t have to put that on,” and then he laughs. She pauses. “I’ve never heard you laugh before.”

Bellamy shrugs and sits on the edge of his bed, keeping his shirt on. “We never had a reason to laugh on the ground.”

“Hmph,” Clarke grumbles, “you should laugh more. I like it.” He thinks his heart expands three sizes in his chest. “Lay down with me.”

He does as he’s told and lays next to her and isn’t surprised when she curls into him automatically. It took a while for her to lay this close to him, especially in the early months of them sleeping in the same bed together. But now, she instantly snuggles next to him. Sometimes she’s facing him, sometimes she’s not. Sometimes she’s on his chest. Like right now. He watches as she puts her head on the spot of his chest where you can feel his heartbeat, her arm wrapping across him. “You comfy?”

She hums a bit and nods. “I like sleeping with you.”

“Yeah?” He’s ashamed that his voice is a little strained, but if she notices she doesn’t say anything.

“Mhm. You make me feel safe. And warm. And I like it here.”

“Good. You’re welcome any time.” He feels her grin and he presses a kiss to her head. “Get some sleep, Princess.” 

* * *

 

When he wakes up, Clarke is still there, but she’s awake. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and grins when she does. “Hey,” his voice is groggy. “How do you feel?”

Clarke shrugs. “Alright. My arm hurts.” He looks down to where she’s bandaged and nods.

“We’ll go check it in a little. And Emori.” Clarke nods. “How’d you sleep?”

Her cheeks turn a bit pink and he grins. “Good. Good. Did I say anything weird?”

Bellamy thinks about how she said she liked sleeping with him, how he made her feel warm and safe. He thinks about how she said she liked his laugh. How she couldn’t sleep and wanted to be with him. But, he settles on, “you said you liked my bed.”

Clarke snorts a bit and nods, curling closer to him.

She rests her chin on his chest and he sighs, wrapping his arms around her back. “Can I tell you something?” He finally asks, the silence becoming too deafening.

“Mmhmm. Go for it.” She replies, raising a brow and staring at him.

Now, he pauses. He doesn’t quite know how to say this without completely scaring her off. He struggles with this for much longer than he would like until finally, he pushes out, “I feel things.”

Clarke’s brow raises higher. “Do you?”

“For you.”

“Uh huh.”

“That are not platonic.” So that could’ve gone better. He’s never had a problem talking to girls, but yet this one girl renders him completely unable to form a full sentence, especially when talking about feelings. “And it’s been driving me crazy and I had to tell you,” he adds, when she’s been quiet for way too long. “And yesterday when you were hurt, I couldn’t deal with it, I was scared out of my mind, and I had to tell you.”

And then, without warning, she gets up. “Clarke,” Bellamy groans, “if you would just let me explain—”

“I have to go.”

“Clarke,” he says again, his voice edging closer and closer to a panic. “Just let me— _fuck_ —”

“I have to go.” She repeats firmly, finally looking at him. He searches her eyes, her face for anything to tell him how she’s feeling, but she’s pulled her mask on again. “See you later, Bellamy.” Clarke says quietly, leaving him with an aching heart and a shitty mood. 

* * *

 

“What the fuck did you do to Clarke?”

“Why is it my fault?” Bellamy spits out as Murphy sits next to him. “Why is it always something I did?”

Murphy raises his hands in defense. “Look, man, you’re the only person on this ship that can piss her off this much.” Bellamy rubs his face and feels his shitty mood get even shitter. “What’d you do?”

Bellamy sighs and shakes his head a bit. “Told her how I felt. I didn’t exactly go the way I wanted it to.”

He explains the situation to him, how Raven and Harper talked to him the night before and how when he told her he didn’t exactly use the _best_ words to tell her, and then how she ran almost immediately. Murphy sits quietly and listens, occasionally glancing back at Emori to make sure she’s doing okay. “So you blew it, is what I’m hearing.” Murphy finally says.

“Fuck off,” he grumbles.

“I’m just saying that if you had said it better, we may not be in this situation.”

“ _Fuck off_ ,” he says again, standing from his chair. “I’m gonna go find her.”

“And what do you plan to say?”

Bellamy runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll figure it out when I get there.”

So he searches the Ark, looking for the blonde that he’s fallen for. He checks all of her usual hiding spots, the medical station, her room, even her old apartment before the ground happened, but she’s not anywhere.

But then, he finds her. She’s sitting against a wall near the floater, where her father and his mother lost their lives. She’s staring off into nowhere. Her eyes are red.

Clarke hears his footsteps and stiffens, about to yell, “I don’t want a lecture, Murphy.”

“I’m not giving you a lecture.”

She realizes it’s him. “What do you want?” She asks quietly, wiping her face.

“To talk to you.” Bellamy replies, slowly and cautiously inching closer to her.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yeah there obviously is,” Bellamy finally gets close enough to sit down near her, “at least let me talk.”

Clarke finally nods and looks at him expectantly. Bellamy takes a breath and prepares himself. “I think I’ve had feelings for you for a pretty long time. I didn’t know it until a few months ago. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you on earth with Praimfaya. And the last few months have been a dream. Having you here all the time. In my room, just with me. And yesterday when you passed out, I’ve never been that scared in my entire life.” He risks a glance to her face to find her staring at him. “I thought you were dead. But you weren’t, and you were alive. And I had to tell you.”

“I can’t,” she finally says when he stops speaking. “I’m sorry but I can’t.”

“Why?” He feels like he at least deserves to know why, even if he thinks he already knows.

Clarke pushes herself up from the ground and starts to pace, tugging on the ends of her hair. “I can’t.”

“Clarke,” Bellamy says, standing up to face her.

“I can’t.” She stops and turns to face him. “Because if I let myself admit to having feelings for you, you’ll die.” Bellamy is absolutely, completely bewildered. She must sense the confusion on his face because she continues quickly, saying, “everyone that I have ever had feelings for has died. Wells, Finn, Lexa. I could not be able to handle it if you died. I couldn’t. Not you.”

“Clarke,” he repeats, much gentler than earlier. “I’m not going anywhere. If you hadn’t noticed we’re stuck on the Ark, and will be for three more years. The likelihood of me dying is pretty slim.”

“But look at Emori,” she argues, “we thought she wouldn’t have a problem and she almost died yesterday!”

“So did you!” He tells her, finally he steps forward and puts his hands on her shoulders, keeping her in place. “If I die, then so be it! I would much rather spend whatever time I have left with you, Clarke!”

She starts to argue but he’s had enough, and closes the distance between them and presses his lips to hers. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt an immediate connection with someone based off of one kiss. Clarke doesn’t move for a moment but then her lips are moving against his, soft and warm. He’s about to wrap his arms around her when she pulls back abruptly.

He’s so intoxicated by her taste and smell that he nearly misses what she has to say. “You can’t just kiss me and say that it fixes it!”

“Clarke.”

“No.”

“Listen to me,” he says, stepping forward again, “you don’t have to feel anything back, just let me love you. Because I do, and I want to.”

Her mouth drops open in shock for a second and then it closes again. “You love me?”

Bellamy runs his hand through his hair again and looks at her, “yes, Clarke I do, or I would not be sitting here arguing about this. I would be doing something about it!”

“Why didn’t you start with that?”

Bellamy struggles to find words for her question until, “what do you mean why didn’t I start with that? That’s not the point of this conversation?”

“Then what is the point of the conversation?”

“How you’re running away from it?”

“I’m only running away because I’m scared, Bellamy.”

Bellamy sighs and steps closer again. “I get that. But you’re going to be scared until you do something about it.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” She whispers and then finally reaches towards him, her hands finding his.

He shakes his head. “Never. You’d be able to patch me up, right?” Clarke rolls her eyes. “Let me love you. Please.” She hesitates for a moment. “It’s okay if you don’t want me too. It really is.” He says, pleading for her to understand. Yes, he would love to be with her. In every sense of the word. But if she doesn’t want it, then he won’t.

Clarke nods, her fingers gripping his almost painfully. “It’s okay. Thank you for giving me the choice.” He feels his throat close up because he knows what this is. This is a rejection. She’s about to shatter his heart and he’d still be completely in love with her. “I don’t know if I’m ready to say it.”

His brows raise on their own accord. “What?”

“Ready to say I love you.”

His heart starts to pound a bit. “What?” He asks again.

Clarke takes a breath. “I don’t know if I’m ready to say I love you. Things go wrong when I tell people I love them,” Bellamy gives her a sad smile and she pushes through, “but I am ready to be with you. I want to. Because I too feel things for you that are not platonic.” He doesn’t understand at first but then happiness seeps through his body and a large smile falls onto his face. Clarke bites her lip to keep from smiling.

“Really?” She nods. “Really really?”

The blonde laughs a bit and inches forward but all Bellamy can feel is shock and so much happiness. “Really. I want to be with you. I have non-platonic feelings for you too.”

And then he laughs. Because she’s never going to let him live that down and because he’s happy. Bellamy scoops her up into his arms, her laughter bright and happy. Her eyes are wide and so blue and he can feel himself getting lost in them. He doesn’t think he’ll ever stop staring.

“Are you going to kiss me?” Clarke finally asks, her arms still wrapped around his neck. “Our first kiss doesn’t count. I was mad at you.”

Bellamy laughs again and finally lets himself kiss her, really kiss her. Her lips are soft and warm and make him feel all sorts of things. Bellamy feels her hands come to cup his cheeks and he can’t help but pull her closer, his hands gripping her waist tightly. Clarke tugs at his bottom lip and he grins, but pulls back slightly. She looks so, so happy.

Bellamy can’t wipe the smile from his face as her fingers play with his hair. “Hey Clarke?”

“Hm?”

“I love you a lot. You don’t have to say it. I just wanted to tell you.” Clarke smiles and gives him another kiss, almost making his knees go weak. 

* * *

 

Bellamy wakes up the next day with Clarke still in his bed. There were lots of kisses throughout the rest of the night, at dinner, in his bed, and Bellamy doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing her.

She’s already awake when he wakes up.

“You’re still here,” he murmurs happily, burying his face in her hair.

“Did you think I was going to leave?”

Bellamy nods a bit. “Yeah.”

Clarke turn to face him and runs her fingers down his cheek and jaw, lingering there. “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me now.”

“I don’t see that as a problem,” he says quickly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Clarke presses her lips against his and he sighs, rolling so he’s hovering above her. Her eyes are bright and her smile is happy and he feels one fall onto his face. Bellamy dips to kiss her and feels her smile grow before she encourages him. He could kiss her forever. He’s never felt this much of a spark with someone ever, and he supposes it makes sense. It is _Clarke_.

Bellamy feels her fingers trailing up his stomach, pushing his shirt with it. He grins and takes her bottom lip between his and she hisses, but smiles. Clarke manages to pull his shirt off, but it gets stuck on his arm. She snorts and struggles, and finally makes an impatient noise in the back of her throat. Bellamy gets the picture and pulls it over his head, dropping it on the floor. He watches her eyes drag over his chest and he smirks.

“See something you like?”

Clarke gives him a smile, “I mean, I like that book over there—”. Bellamy is not having it and his hands dive to the hem of her shirt and inch it up her body, pressing kisses as he goes. He’s satisfied when her breath hitches after each kiss.

Bellamy’s just managing to get her shirt over her head and suck along the top of her breasts when there’s a knock at the door. His head drops to her shoulder and he hears her groan. “Don’t answer,” she whispers, gripping the waistband of his pants, “don’t answer and they’ll go away.” Bellamy starts to listen to her and palms her breast through her bra when there’s another knock. She whines, “I swear if you answer that door…”

He raises a brow. “What are you going to do?”

Clarke huffs as there’s another knock. “What?” He finally calls out, and he hopes it’s obvious that he’s irritated.

“Um,” it’s Echo, “Raven sent me to come find you. She needs help moving some stuff.” Clarke’s tiny hands trail down his body, to his hips and he hisses a bit.

“Can’t she ask Murphy?”

“I don’t…”

“Tell her to ask Murphy.” His breath hitches as her hands find him. “Jesus.”

Clarke raises a brow. “What?”

“Can’t get a second alone on this damn ship.” She laughs. He can’t help the smile that forms on his face. She gives him one back before he pushes her hands from his dick. “You first.”

Clarke raises a brow and he goes back to kissing her, finally pushing her shirt over her head. He has to stop and look at her. He’s wanted this for years. He has to savor it. “You’re incredible.” Her face flushes and he smirks, kissing along her bra line, hands roaming all up and down her body. But then, he pauses.

“What?” She asks impatiently, her fingers tugging at his waist band again.

“Do you feel okay to do this? You did escape death only two days ago.”

“Bellamy,” she groans, “yes. I’m fine. I promise.”

“Are you sure?”

“Bell,” she gasps when his hands quickly find the clasp to her bra. “Yes. I’m sure. Just fucking kiss me already.”

Bellamy doesn’t have to be told twice and gets to work. It’s clumsy and filled with laughter as they find each other in a different way than they’re used too. But, he’s happy. He’s happy and sated and he can’t keep his hands off of her once they’ve finished. Their breathing is finally calming down as they lay in his bed.

Bellamy hums a bit when she presses her lips to his head. “Fuck. We should do that more often,” he manages and she smiles.

And when she laughs, it’s the most beautiful sound. Other than her moans. “We should.”

They lay quietly for a few moments, regaining the ability to breathe. His fingers curl through her hair lightly and hers tap on his chest. “We should get cleaned up. Find our friends.” He finally whispers and she nods but neither of them move. He doesn’t want to leave this bed ever again, but they’re gonna have to eat.

“Bellamy?”

“Hm?” He feels her shift so she’s closer to him, her body curling next to his.

“I gotta tell you something.” He raises a brow, his curiosity getting the best of him. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Bellamy can’t help but smile, and then he says, “are you sure that’s not because we just had sex?”

Clarke sticks her tongue out at him. “Well, yes, but I think I’m in love with you.”

His heart soars. “Good. Good to know.” He turns to kiss her again and she takes over, rolling so she’s straddling him again.

“Yes. I’m sure. I love you.” He can’t stop the smile that grows on his face.

* * *

 

_1,283 Days_

Monty and Harper break up. Bellamy supposes he’s seen it coming for a couple years now, they’ve been fighting a lot and things have only gotten harder the longer they’ve been up in space. Things are starting to look desolate and they’re all feeling it. Monty and Harper especially.

Bellamy, Clarke, and Murphy sit quietly in the medical station as they wait for the fighting to pass. Clarke’s eyes are wide and wet as she listens to her friends fighting. She’s stopped bandaging Murphy’s arm and her hands shake. Murphy looks like he’s going to throw up.

And then it stops, and it gets very quiet.

They don’t dare move for several more minutes until they hear footsteps heading opposite directions. Clarke takes a shaky breath and continues wrapping Murphy’s arm, the scrape coming from where he slipped and cut it.

“I don’t think you have to worry about tetanus,” she mumbles and Bellamy watches her blink a few times to keep herself steady, “if you start to feel lockjaw or anything let me know.”

“Thanks, Doc.” He says before hopping off of the cot he was sitting on. “I’m going to go find Monty.”

“Be there in a few,” Bellamy replies, tipping his head at Murphy. Bellamy watches him leave and then strides to Clarke, resting his hands on her waist and lifting her to sit on the bed. “You okay?”

Clarke shrugs and he rubs circles on her hip. “Just didn’t want to see it happen.”

“We’ve seen it coming for months,” he tells her and she nods, finally looking up.

“Doesn’t make it any easier. Now they have to see each other every day until we get back to the ground.”

Bellamy nods. “Monty thinks it’ll be okay. He thinks it’s been a long time coming.”

“So does Harper.”

“Why are you really upset, Clarke?”

He watches her hesitate and moves so he’s settled between her legs, forcing her to look at him. “I just,” Clarke sighs, “do you think that’s going to happen to us? We start fighting and break up and can’t look at each other for weeks?”

Bellamy shakes his head immediately, trying not to think of the possibility of not being with Clarke anymore. It doesn’t sit well with him. “No I don’t. I hope not, at least. I’m in this for the long haul,” he tells her honestly, and her hands grip his arms. “If you wanted to split up I would, but I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

“I don’t want to split up,” Clarke says quickly, shaking her head.

“I’m just saying that if you wanted to, I would.”

“I don’t want to. Not now or in the foreseeable future.”

Bellamy finally nods, letting out a breath of relief. “Okay. It’s decided then.”

Clarke nods back and presses up his body, her lips finding his. Bellamy grins, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “Mm. I love you.”

He smiles and pulls back, brushing some hair behind her ear. “Love you too,” Bellamy helps her down from the bed and sighs. “I’m gonna go find Monty.”

Clarke sighs and gives him a hug, her head resting on his shoulder. “I’ll go find Harper.”

Monty’s better than he expected. He looks at Murphy and he shrugs, sitting down next to Monty. “How you feeling?”

He shrugs. “I had seen it coming. I just wish it didn’t end in fighting.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m really okay. You don’t have to stay here.”

Murphy shrugs. “We’re good. The girls are annoying anyways.” Monty snorts a bit.

“They always have been.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes. “Do you want to do something?”

“There is literally nothing to do up here.”

Bellamy makes a face. “Do you have any ideas of what to do?”

And that’s how a few hours later they’re all high off of their minds in Monty’s room. Murphy’s giggling, Monty’s been saying philosophical shit for the past thirty minutes and Bellamy just can’t believe what’s going on.

“Do you remember,” Murphy starts, snorting as he goes, “when we all got high off of those nuts, and Raven told Jasper his stick would ward away Grounders?”

Monty chokes on his laughter, “he didn’t let go of that stick for hours!”

“I think I hallucinated,” Bellamy starts, thinking back to that night. “I think Jaha was there? I don’t know.”

Murphy looks at him with a face. “Why the fuck was Jaha in your hallucinations?”

Bellamy shrugs. “I think he told me I was a disappointment.”

“They’re not wrong,” Monty grumbles into his cup and Bellamy throws a pillow at him.

“I am a saint, thank you very much.”

Monty dodges the pillow. “Yeah, the Saint of Disappointment.” Murphy nearly loses it at that one, not even trying to control his laughter. Bellamy flips him off and tries to repress his grin. He feels like he’s floating, on the top of the world. “I think Octavia and Raven were left to take care of the whole dropship because mom and dad were gone.”

Bellamy blinks a few time. “Mom and dad?”

“You and Clarke, duh,” Monty starts and Bellamy’s brows come together and Monty continues quickly, “yeah, yeah we called you mom and dad.”

“For the record, I never called you dad,” Murphy chuckles, “you were mom.”

Bellamy flips him off again. “We had bets on you two. Raven won I think. She said it would take the end of the world for you two to fuck.”

Murphy howls and Bellamy can feel his cheeks turn a bit pink. And then he’s laughing with his two friends, thinking of all of those years ago at the dropship when everyone was insane and drunk most of the time. He thinks they did good at the dropship. Even if Murphy was a complete dick for most of the time.

“You fucking shot Raven, dude, no wonder she hates you.”

“She hates me for a lot of reasons, not just that.” Murphy says, “I only shot a few people.”

“I think you’re forgetting that you tried to hang me.

“You tried to hang me first!” Murphy counters back. “Man, I fucking _hated_ you back then. You were the worst.” Bellamy snorts. “I’m serious. You show up out of nowhere with this damn gun and decide that you’re in charge! Who does that?”

“Me,” Bellamy tells him, grinning smugly. “Hey, we’re alive aren’t we? We would be dead without me.”

Now it’s Monty’s turn to huff and make a face. “Let’s be real. We wouldn’t have lasted a week without Clarke. She managed to fight off Grounders, a plague, and the fucking Ark.”

Bellamy nods. “We are lucky we had Clarke.”

“Yeah you for sure are,” Monty giggles, “you would definitely be dead without Clarke. Murphy would have killed you.”

Bellamy snorts again and then Murphy is laughing and Monty can’t stop giggling. He supposes this is how it’s supposed to be. To have friends, to do stupid shit like this with them. He’s glad it’s Monty and Murphy (even if he tried to hang Murphy once).

* * *

  _1,460 Days_

“What do you think Raven wants to talk about?” Bellamy shrugs as he and Clarke walk to the hangar where they arrived four years ago.

“No idea. Maybe she’s found a way for us to eat food again. Not just algae.” Bellamy pokes her in the stomach and Clarke grins, pushing his shoulder a bit.

“I miss food. I miss meat. Fruit.” His stomach almost grumbles. “Are you still going to know how to hunt when we get back to the ground?”

Bellamy rolls his eyes and throws an arm around her shoulder. “I’m an expert at hunting. Of course I’m still going to know how to hunt.”

Clarke smiles and he feels her arm wrap around his waist. “Maybe not. We’ll find out.”

They make it to the hangar where Raven waits. Everyone is looking at her expectedly.  “What’s going on?” Bellamy finally says.

“Took you long enough to get here,” Raven replies and Bellamy rolls his eyes. They just got a bit… preoccupied. Clarke’s pants may or may not have been on the floor. “Anyways,” he pulls his thoughts from Clarke and back to Raven. “We have a year left. It’s been four years exactly. Meaning, we have to fix up the rocket so we can get back down.” It’s like an electric jolt goes through the entire room and suddenly everyone is looking up, an excited glint in their eyes. “Yes, I know, exciting. We’re giving ourselves a year to fix it up, meaning I have a few months to make sure you fools know what you’re doing.”

Bellamy can almost feel seven sets of eyes rolling at her. “When do we start?” Echo asks, and Monty stands.

“Right now. We have to make sure that our fuel calculations and landing calculations are correct so that we don’t smash into the ground.” Monty says it so quickly Bellamy almost misses the last part.

“That’s comforting.” Murphy snorts. “How do we know that we’re right?”

“We’ve been watching the orbit of the Earth since we got up here. There’s one semi-green spot near where we think we took off. Obviously in a year it’ll be more green, but that’s our landing spot. Raven’s been able to estimate how much fuel we’ll need to launch from the Ark, how much power the Ark will give us, and how quickly we’ll plummet to the ground.”

Bellamy wants to trust them, he really does, but god it’s going to be risky. “So we have to leave at a certain time or we risk death.”

“Yeah.”

“What if we’re wrong?” He nearly scowls at Clarke’s question.

“We’re gonna hope we aren’t,” Raven says, pulling up a screen with the rocket on it. “Our best shot is landing five years to the day that we left. So who’s ready to work?”

They work so hard for the next few months. They’re split into groups. Raven, Bellamy, Murphy and Echo do a lot of the heavy labor but Bellamy swears Raven only bosses them around. Monty, Clarke, Harper and Emori do more of the technical measurements. They’re tired, annoyed and over being in space, but they work so hard. They have to get home.

At night once they’ve finished the work for the day, they mess around with each other. Running around the Ark, playing every card game known to mankind, or watching the world spin around them. Bellamy and Clarke fall into bed every night exhausted, but satisfied with the work that they’re doing. It’s given them a purpose again. They have something to work for.

Each day, it’s a repeat of the previous. Sometimes they have more work and sometimes they finish early in the day. Bellamy likes those days the best. He gets to mess around with Murphy or stay in with Clarke. He knows he’ll have to share her when they get back on the ground. Abby will surely want to spend some time with her daughter after five years of separation. He supposes that he’ll have to be shared too. He and his sister have a lot of talking to do.

Clarke notices his change of mood three months after they start working on the rocket. Bellamy always had a positive outlook on life, but he knows it’s gotten better since they started working. “What’s going on with you?” She asks him one night after they’ve retired to his room for the evening. It’s one of those nights where he gets more time with her, and they’re sitting at the table playing war.

“What do you mean?”

She frowns as he wins another set of cards. “You’ve just been in a better mood lately. Not that you’ve been in a bad mood this entire time, but I’ve just noticed.”

Bellamy shrugs and resets his cards, putting them back in his hands. “I guess it’s just knowing how close we are to being home.”

“Home,” she echoes, and he nods. “Are you excited?”

Bellamy nods. “I am. I miss Kane.” Clarke snorts and grins as she wins a battle.

“I’m sure he misses you too. He loved you.”

“We’re so close, Clarke. You get to see your mom again.” He still feels guilty that she couldn’t say goodbye before they left.

Clarke smiles. “I miss her. I wonder what’s happened down there.” Bellamy tries not to think about the possibility of the bunker not even working.

“Probably chaos,” he hums, watching her fix her cards.

“With your sister leading? Definitely.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He raises a playful eyebrow and she grins mischievously.

“Anyone related to Mr. Whatever The Hell We Want is gonna cause some chaos.” Bellamy rolls his eyes.

“Oh, come _on_. I got better!”

Clarke smiles and takes some of his cards as she wins another battle. “You literally wanted to cut off my hand to get my wristband.”

Bellamy groans thinking of the time before the Ark came down. “You know I wasn’t going to cut off your hand!”

“I dunno, you seemed pretty sure.” Clarke laughs and Bellamy gives her a smile as he loses all of his cards.

“Best two out of three?”

Clarke shakes her head and throws her cards on the table. “I’m tired of cards. Can we do something else?”

“There is literally nothing else to do up here. We have exhausted everything.” Bellamy rubs his face.

Her brows come together and then she grins, getting up and crossing the small space. Clarke sits on his lap and wraps her arms loosely around his neck. “Not everything.” Bellamy feels her nimble fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck and his eyes close at her touch.

“What haven’t we done?” He lets her fingers massage through his hair for a moment and he sighs.

“We haven’t found every place on this ship to have sex.”

He feels himself twitch and he pulls his eyes open to find her grinning brightly. “Clarke,” he groans as her body twists so she’s straddling him in his seat.

“What?” She asks innocently, her fingers gripping into his shoulders.

“You know what.” Her laugh is loud and happy, and he can’t help but give her one back. “Okay. Where haven’t we had sex?”

* * *

 

_1,699 Days_

The day Raven tells them they can’t go down after five years is the worst day of his life. The rocket hangar gets so quiet so quickly.

“It’s not safe enough for us yet,” she says dejectedly, hanging her head, “we would all be burnt to a crisp the second we stepped outside. I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do.”

Emori and Echo are the first one’s out. They had been longing to go back down for years. They grew up on the ground. They were so close to being home again. Murphy and Harper follow, but the footsteps don’t do much to stop the silence in the hangar. Bellamy watches as Monty stands and departs from the room, his head hanging low.

Clarke finally stands and doesn’t even look up as she leaves.

“Raven,” he starts but she shakes her head.

“We were so sure. Five years. Even Abby said five.”

“It’s not your fault,” he says quietly, leaning against the rocket next to her. “We never could have known. I’m glad we know now.”

Raven takes a sharp breath. “I disappointed all of them. We’ve been working on this piece of junk for a year—”

“—I hope it’s not a piece of junk, it’s bringing us back to the ground—”

“And then it’s just not going to work. What if we’re stuck here forever?”

Bellamy shakes his head, refusing to believe it, “we won’t be.”

“But what if we are?” He has to think about that for a moment. Spending the rest of his life on the Ark. It surely wouldn’t be a long life. They would run out of power or supplies or the food processor would break. He would never see his sister again. He doesn’t even know if she’s alive, but he tries not to think about that. They would never see the ground again. Breathing the same reprocessed air every day. The same small rooms, the same people.

But, he shakes his head. “We won’t. There’s no way. I’ll jump to the ground before I die here.”

Raven snorts and leans against the rocket as well, crossing her arms across her chest. “I’ll make it perfect. The rocket. So that even if we can’t make it to the ground again, we’ll know that we tried. For everyone in the bunker.” He nods.

Clarke pulls back in the months following Raven’s announcement. From everything. From the people, from eating, from doing anything. From Bellamy. She loses more weight. She had already lost some from only eating processed algae for almost 5 years, but now it’s even worse. Clarke spends a lot of her time in her room, or hiding out around the Ark. When people need her, she’s in and out of Med Bay before anyone can talk to her. Bellamy’s going out of his damn mind. He rarely can get a smile out of her anymore. She’s started sleeping in her own room again, away from him. On the nights that he has nightmares—the hot water hitting his skin in jets, the chains around his ankles and wrists clanking with every move—she lets him in but only to calm him down. The nightmares are becoming a common thing. He had been able to push them back with Clarke being there but now that she’s disappearing he can’t prevent them as well.

He’s worried about her. He knows it’s probably depression and some form of anxiety, but he doesn’t know how to approach the topic with her.

He doesn’t have a clue what to do.

* * *

 

_1,845 Days_

“Hey, has anyone seen Clarke?” Bellamy strides into the room that they eat in, looking at his friends. They all look to one another and then shake their heads.

“I haven’t seen her in a few hours,” Raven tells him, looking up from her dinner.

“Neither have I,” Bellamy tells her and her eyes widen. They all get the same idea at the same time. “Oh, _god_.”

In an instant they’re all racing to grab their walkies and they’re going off in different directions searching for the missing blonde. Bellamy’s heart pounds uncomfortably and he’s worried. More worried than he’s been in months.

It’s become too many minutes of silence for Bellamy and he stops looking for a moment to radio. “Has anyone found her?”

It’s another few seconds before, “I’ve got her. She’s okay.” Bellamy lets out a breath. “Give me a few with her.” Raven.

Bellamy paces in the dinner room for what feels like ages. His heart pounds uncomfortably and his breath is short. He knows she was with Raven. What state was she in? Was she okay? Is she hurt?

He’s about to go looking again and he sees the two girls appear in the doorway. For a moment, he doesn’t think it’s Clarke. Then, she steps into the light and he sees that it’s her. Her hair is short. Cut right above her shoulder, the long tresses gone. She’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen.

Clarke steps towards him carefully, the dark circles under her eyes becoming more prevalent. And then, she buries herself into his arms, her head tucking into his shoulder. He looks over his shoulder to find that his friends look absolutely bewildered and Raven finally looks relieved.

“I want to feel okay again,” she finally whispers and he nods, his hand coming to twine into her now shorter hair.

“Okay,” he whispers back, and watches their friends slowly get up and leave, resting a hand on her shoulder as they go. Raven’s the only one who remains. “We can do that.”

It takes a bit for him to get the story out of both Clarke and Raven. When they went running Raven found her near the floater, struggling with some scissors. Raven immediately assumed the worst and took them from her, but then saw the jagged cuts of her hair. Then, offered to help.  “I like it,” he whispers and she shrugs a bit.

“Needed a change.” Bellamy nods. “You don’t have to whisper to me. I’m not going to break.” He nods again and pats her knee. “I just need some time. And some help.”

Raven nods and lets Clarke rest on her side. “There’s a sort of algae we can make. We really should have been making it this whole time, just in case, but it helps with depression. Monty and I can work on it.” Clarke nods. “It’ll take us a few weeks to figure it out, especially with that we have up here, but we’ll get it to you.” Raven transfers Clarke to Bellamy’s side and stands. “Your hair looks nice. Maybe I’ll cut mine too. We can match.”

Clarke gives her a weak smile and lets Bellamy wrap his arm around her back. It’s quiet for a few moments and he focuses on her breathing. She’s here. She’s okay. She has some stuff to work on, but she’ll be okay.

“I’m sorry for shutting you out,” she murmurs, “I really am.”

Bellamy shrugs and presses his lips to her temple. “It happens. It’s okay. You needed time to figure yourself out.”

“I feel guilty.”

“Don’t.” He assures her, pressing another kiss to her head. “It’s really okay, Clarke. It’ll be something to work on. For all of us.”

Clarke nods again. “I’m sorry—”

“Baby, it’s okay.” Bellamy whispers, gently pulling her so she’s perched on his lap. “It really is. I knew you needed time. You were so set on going down and then we couldn’t. It happens. I’m surprised it didn’t happen to all of us, if I’m being honest.” Clarke nods and slowly loops her arms around his neck, resting against him. “I still love you,” he murmurs and she takes a sharp breath. “Always will.”

“I still love you too,” she replies, and she falls asleep peacefully for the first time since this happened.

Clarke gets better in the next few weeks. She’s not like she was before, but she’s not shutting anyone out anymore. She’s trying and they’re all trying too. Monty, unsurprisingly, is the best help for her. After what happened with Jasper, Monty worked really hard to learn how to help and how to prevent things from happening. They spend a lot of time together, talking through everything.

Raven gets the algae up and working and that does wonders. It takes a few weeks for it to set in to her system and Bellamy sees tremendous improvements in her mood and attitude. He’s glad. He’d love her through anything they went through, but he’s happy that she’s getting back to herself. Seeing her smile again only makes him more sure about everything.

The first night she appears at his door he’s in a shitty mood. He hurt his arm lifting something for the rocket and has been bitching about it since it happened, but told Murphy not to tell Clarke. He didn’t want to worry her.

Instead of knocking, she strides in, oversized t-shirt on, blanket wrapped around her shoulder. “Bellamy?” He’s hissing curses under his breath, trying to wrap the large cut he has on his arm. He freezes and quickly shoves his arms back into his jacket to hide the wound. “Bell?”

“Bathroom!” Her face appears moment later, a bright smile on her face. He forces one back. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he watches her actions as she moves towards him. She’s almost shy, and he supposes it’s because she hasn’t been in his room in weeks. “What are you doing?”

“I was washing my hands,” he lies quickly. “What’s up? Are you okay?”

Clarke nods and moves towards him, her arms wrapping around his chest. “I’m good. I wanted to stay here tonight. Is that okay?”

Bellamy can barely believe his ears. But, he nods quickly, as if she’s going to change her mind. “Yes. God, of course. Please.” She gives him a smile and doesn’t hesitate to walk back into the room and get into his bed, blanket still wrapped around her. His mouth nearly waters at the sight.

And then he remembers the pain still in his arm and hides his wince by kicking the door shut.

He thinks he’s almost made it when he drops something on his arm and can’t help but cursing loudly. Clarke’s in the bathroom in seconds, eyes wide and full of worry. “Bellamy, what happened?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me,” she hisses before pulling his arm towards her. Clarke immediately notices the bruising and the cuts and makes a face. “What happened?”

“Dropped something,” he tells her, “while working on the rocket.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She whispers and he sighs.

“Didn’t want to worry you.”

And that’s how he ends up in the medical station at 2 in the morning. Clarke examines his arm, testing it to see if there are any breaks in the bone. Bellamy studies her, how she bites her lip when she looks closely at something, how her eyes squint to see things more clearly. And then, he notices that she’s wearing one of his shirts. He’s been looking for that one for ages and just assumed it got lost in the wash and sent to someone else.

“Is that my shirt?” He watches her cheeks turn pink but she continues to work.

Clarke nods. “Yeah.”

Bellamy grins a bit. “I’ve been looking for that for months.”

She nods again. “I know. I’ve had it since we had sex for the first time.” He raises a brow. “Well, not since that first time. Whenever I would stay with you I would wear it. After Raven told us we couldn’t go down,” he watches her eyes grow a bit distant, but then she shakes it off and continues, “I went and found it. I wanted something to smell like you. Even when I wasn’t with you at night.”

Bellamy tips his head in a nod. “You keep it. Looks better on you anyways.” Her cheeks turn pink again and he watches as she tries to repress her smile. “Blue is your color.”

“You’re a flirt,” she hums, “such a flatterer.”

“Only for you,” he teases back and she gives him a smile before continuing her work on his arm.

She bandages it quickly. “I don’t think it’s broken. Just really bruised. The scrape will need a little time to heal.”

“Okay.”

Clarke nods again and goes about putting her things away. Bellamy can’t help but watch her. Her hair has trouble staying behind her ear now that it’s so short but Bellamy thinks it’s one of the most endearing things about her. She catches him watching her and sticks out her tongue. Bellamy chuckles and watches her climb onto the bed and latch herself onto his back. “The fuck are you doing?”

“I want a piggy back ride. Let’s go to bed.” Bellamy rolls his eyes but nonetheless hoists her up onto his back carefully. They walk quietly through the halls of the Ark, Clarke’s soft giggles in his ear. He’d go to the ends of the world for her, and her for him. Even if it took them a little bit of time to figure it out.

* * *

 

_2,199 days_

Bellamy doesn’t remember coming to earth the first time this brutal. His hand grips Clarke’s tightly but he’s losing his grip. His hands grapple for her, trying to find her before they hit the ground. He hopes they don’t blow up. Everything is shaking around him and his head is pounding and why won’t it stop? His teeth rattle his entire body is shaking and he can’t find Clarke where is Clarke?

Everything explodes and the world shifts around Bellamy. Pain takes over his system and he struggles to keep his eyes open as the rocket crashes into the ground and he’s out.

Bellamy’s eyes fly open and his hands reach for Clarke, for anything to prove to him that he’s alive. He recognizes the gray metal above him. It’s the rocket right? He’s on something soft. This has to be the grass. But, when he takes in a breath, it smells way too much like the Ark. His mouth is dry, almost like someone has stuffed cotton in his mouth.

“Oh,” he hears a voice and prays that it’s Clarke, “you’re up.” Raven. Her face appears above Bellamy and his vision slides a bit. Then, he sits up and immediately vomits into the can right by the bed. “Jesus.” He retches for what seems like hours, until only bile comes up. His throat burns.

Bellamy blinks a few times and sits up, taking in his surroundings. His heart drops with every look. Because he’s on the Ark. He’s in his room, on his bed. The table where he plays cards is right there. And finally, he finds his voice. “Where’s Clarke?”

Raven’s mouth drops a bit. She was just here. He was just holding her hand, they were falling to earth together. “Bellamy.”

“Where’s Clarke?” He spits out, swinging his legs off of the bed. “Why are we still here?”

“Bellamy,” Raven inches towards him, her voice filled with devastating sadness. And then, everything comes crashing into him like a wave. It renders him unable to breathe and he’s physically unable to move. His world is sliding back and forth, crashing to the ground. Bellamy struggles to breathe and has to blink to prevent tears from filling his eyes.

Because they—no— _he_ left her on the ground. They went up into space without her. She’s dead. Clarke’s dead.

“What happened?” He finally forces out, pressing his the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying and struggling to remember what she looked like.

“You hit your head. Right after we got the air working.” Raven tells him, sitting back down in the chair.

“How long was I out?” He spits out, willing himself to remember her voice.

“Two days.”

Two days. He dreamt six years in two days. 

* * *

 

It all comes back to him slowly. Getting the oxygen back on and going to hook up the food processor. Something incredibly heavy fell on his head and knocked him out immediately. He has a very large and very uncomfortable bump on his head. He walks around the Ark trying to ignore the burning in his heart and his head.

Bellamy finally makes his way to the Sky Bridge, staring down at the burning earth. Clarke is down there. Clarke’s probably been burnt to a crisp because he left her. He fights the wave of guilt, shame, and utter sadness that crashes into him.

He holds the bottle of alcohol called the Baton and clenches his jaw. For the ground. They were supposed to get that drink. There’s nothing he can do.

Raven finds him there and they stand in sad silence for several minutes before she speaks up, her voice echoing through the space. “She saved us again.” Raven almost whispers it. It’s too hard for him to think about. “Think we can do this without her?”

Bellamy tries not to think about a life without Clarke Griffin. She was just here. So real, so alive. In his hands. And now, with the blink of an eye, she’s gone. “If we don’t, she died in vain. I’m not going to let that happen.” He doesn’t even want to think about it. His throat closes as Raven looks at him, obviously fighting off tears. “You with me?”

She doesn’t even hesitate. “Always.”

They stare down at the earth together and all he can think about is Clarke. The sound of her voice. Her smile. He closes his eyes tightly and wills himself never to forget anything about her.

“Did you tell her?” Raven’s voice is quiet, almost as if she doesn’t want to ask. But he knows the question, and he knows the answer all too well.

“She knew.”

“She deserved to hear it from you.”

Bellamy nods and his heart sinks to his stomach. “I know.”

It’s gonna be a long few years.


End file.
